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This transcript is under construction. Please excuse it's informal appearance as we work on it.
Mother May I?
Mess Hall.
Xander: I'll load up on the carbs, Ravi. For our overnight hike, and because I have no idea what that meat is.
Zuri: Ravi, guess what? Mom and Dad are sailing up the coast of Maine, and they're coming to visit today!
Emma: I am so excited to sow Mom my CIT skills. Sure, she's watched me model in Milan, but she'll be more excited to watch me sing "Boom-Chicka-Rocka" with nine year olds!
Ravi: I am so excited I get to spend the day with Mrs. Mommy! I mean I guess Mom is aight.
Xander: Ravi, we're supposed to be taking our campers up to Glass Lake.
Ravi: Let me guess, they call it that because the water is as clear as glass?
Xander: No, because it's full of broken bottles. Come on Ravi, I really need you on this hike.
Zuri: You need Ravi?
Xander: Yes. He is a great CIT and a natural leader. And he knows how to work that GPS thing-a-ma-jig.
Christina: Hello! Where are my babies? Uh, I am pretty sure you're not one of my kids.
Lou: Me? Related to the legendary counselor, Christina Ross? In my dreams! No. Seriously... I've had that dream a lot.
Emma: Uh, Mom, this is my bestie, Lou!
Christina: Oh, it's so nice to finally meet you! Can you set me down now?
Lou: In a minute.
Theme song.
Mess Hall.
Christina: I am so excited to spend the day with my girls.
Lou: I can't believe she called me one of her girls!
Zuri: Pretty sure she meant the girls that she raised. Well, hired nannies to raise.
Emma: Hey Mom, want to watch me teach campers how to make wreaths?
Christina: Oh, of course! I'd love to see my girl in action.
Lou: Action? But I'm just standing here.
Gladys: Christina? Christina Ross? So nice to see you again.
Christina: So nice to see you too... Uh... You.
Gladys: You don't remember me? You beat me as Counselor of the Year for years in a row! I was first runner-up.
Christina: Oh, good for you. So you're still a counselor?
Gladys: No, I'm the owner! So, where is Morgan? I don't detect his delicious musk.
Christina: Unfortunately, he threw his back out, so he's stuck on the yacht, but he sends his love!
Gladys: He did? Well, tell him I send it right back!
Zuri: I think that love was meant for us.
Gladys: Oh.
Christina: Ooh, there's a trophy with my name on it!
Gladys: So Morgan is all alone on his yacht? And he can't run away?
Emma: We have rottweilers.
Zuri: With rabies.
Gladys: Is rabies like "definitely die" bad, or just "maybe die" bad?
Tiffany: Rabies means death, unless quickly treated with a series of extremely painful shots.
Gladys: Works for me!
The Forest.
Griff: Why do we have to hike all the way up a mountain to see a lake full of broken bottles?
Xander: Because Landfill Magazine called Glass Lake one of the five best non-medical waste sites in Maine.
Jorge: Ooh, look! A ski lift! Let's take that up the mountain!
Ravi: Too bad it is closed for the summer.
Griff: I can get it started. I have the key.
Xander: Guys, absolutely not. It's illegal. It's dangerous. And its terrifying.
Jorge: Who's scared of heights? That guy!
Xander: I am not afraid of heights! I'm afraid of falling from them.
Ravi: Oh... So instead of suffering from acrophobia, fear of heights, you suffer for FOF, fear of falling. Which is actually more common is women and small children.
Xander: Hey, what's it called when you have a fear of the next time Ravi speaks? Because I have that.
Ravi: Technically, that would be more of a dread than a fear.
Xander: You know, you're lucky you know how to work that GPS thing-a-ma-jig.
Griff: All right, Xander, you don't have to ride to ski lift, bu can we just get a picture of the four of us sitting on it?
Xander: I guess that wouldn't be too scary. I can't believe I fell for that.
Mess Hall.
Emma: Okay, campers, to decorate for tomorrow's Camp Kikiwaka Games, we're using items found in the forest.
Zuri: Can I be excused?
Emma: Is something wrong?
Zuri: Yeah, I don't want to be here.
Christina: Zuri, show your sister some respect, and don't interrupt.
Emma: Oh, thanks, Mom. Now, I like to start by using pinecones and...
Christina: (gasps) Sweetie! An Eastern White pinecone? I consider opting for a loblolly.
Zuri: I tried to tell her, Mommy.
Emma: Well, a pinecone is a pinecone.
Christina: Actually, loblollies have a more dramatic shape. Plus, the aroma is delicately evergreen, and not crudely earthen.
Lou: A white, bad. Loblolly, good.
Gladys: Well, I just gave those Rottweilers a bone. Too bad it was mine.
Zuri: Dang! You got messed up!
Christina: Zuri, have some respect for the owner of the camp.
Zuri: Sorry, Gladys.
Christina: Oh, actually, her name isn't Gladys. I checked, and the first runner-up for Counselor of the Year was always Chai Son Wutipong. Nice to see you again, Chai Son.
Gladys: Okay, I may have been second runner up. Or last. I can't remember. I've lost a lot of blood.

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